THE TRUTH SQUAD

Still pondering that pesky distinction between fact and fiction? Never fear, the Truth Squad is here.

Yes, according to KTUU and confirmed in the Alaska Dispatch, John McCain has sent his self-proclaimed Palin Truth Squad to set you straight on the ever-complicated details of Troopergate.

You thought a bipartisan committee voted 12-0 back in July to investigate whether Palin abused executive powers in firing Public Safety Commissioner Walt Monegan? You thought Palin agreed to cooperate fully with the investigation, saying she had nothing to hide?

Boy, did you get that wrong. Check out the Truth Squad's poster (suitable for recycling in your high school student's current events report). All roads lead to...you guessed it, Barack Obama. Yup, all that stuff you thought happened back in July - lies. Apparently back then even Sarah Palin was drinking the Democratic Koolaid the neo-cons keep talking about.

Thankfully, the McCain campaign rescued her, and they've come to rescue Alaska, too. Although Palin never mentioned it in the past two months, turns out Monegan was "insubordinate." Independent investigation? That's actually "McCarthyism." A three-person personnel board, appointed by the governor herself, with a legendary record of firing all those who cross her, is all the independence we need.

Subpoenas? Former no-name lawyer-turned-Attorney General Talis Colberg says the Palin folk don't have to answer to those. (Note to criminals: consider donating to the McCain-Palin campaign, and maybe you, too, can dodge subpoenas.) Palin's commitment to be open and transparent? Not when it comes to explaining her role in this mess - she won't testify. Oh, and Republicans supporting McPalin have filed two separate lawsuits to stall the investigation, which they say is tainted by partisanship.

All these details are so complicated, aren't they? Our friends in the Lower 48 can't be bothered. Thank heavens for the Truth Squad, which makes everything simple and crystal clear: this whole mess is the fault of the Democrats.

By the way, all questions on the investigations are now to be funneled through the TS. No fair asking the gov's attorney or, heaven forbid, the governor herself.

Time to dust off your copies of Brave New World.